She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
