I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
