I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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