there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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