your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
