drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
try to milk me bitch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
