My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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