I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
