'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
