I'm drive I can fine osifer
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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