Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
