Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
