Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
