note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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