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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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• (619): View more from California

  woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.

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• (408): View more from California

  i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I am to reach this level of casual destruction.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win

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