I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in