you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender