One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
