This is not my ceiling
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize