shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
