no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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