i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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