All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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