Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
