You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
