I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
