God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
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I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.