It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds