He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.