whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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