I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
