I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
