It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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