I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
