ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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