I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
