I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
