I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
