okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
