I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize