he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love having hate sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
