i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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