her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
