I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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