Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize