i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
