The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
