I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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