i think my mom watched the whole time
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
God, I missed his penis.
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