you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
