why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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