Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills