I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
