I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed