i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.