Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.