Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
