Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon