went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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