Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
