Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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