I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
