Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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