omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
