dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
