How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
