If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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