some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
