if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
