i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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