So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
