how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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