Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
