i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
