Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
