Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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