Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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