So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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