God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize