nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
