i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
