He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
