it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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