she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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