This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I had to cum in my sink.
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