keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
