haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
