I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize