know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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