So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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