a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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