ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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