I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
