walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
